In tribute to his legendary interviews in the Vere Suite TAF presents......
	THIS MONTH: Gerry Adams & Reverend Ian Paisley

Simon Garner: Good evening ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Vere Suite and before I read out the team sheet we've got a little interview for you with two very well known individuals. No, not Alan Beeton and Martin Lee, but please welcome a couple of lads who play for a team I've never heard of called Democratic Unionist FC over on the Emerald isle, Mr Gerry Adams and the Reverend Ian Paisley. How are you chaps?

Rev Ian Paisley: This is an affront to decency; you have insulted all unionists by associating that man with the name of the cause.

Gerry Adams: It's an affront to me too may I point out.

Simon Garner: Whooaa, calm down chaps. Now, we all know you have your differences - but after a hard days work do you like to sit down and have a pint and a laugh about all the things that happen?

Rev Ian Paisley: Mr Garner! That man has blood on his hands. He associates with murderers and the provisional IRA and I would not have a pint with him at any price.

Simon Garner: Aye, I know Glyn Creaser used to say the same about Ken McKenna, but once they'd had a pint and a giggle they found they had a lot in common. Y'know, they both did a cracking Tommy Cooper impersonation.

Gerry Adams: I think you'll find that we have only one thing in common and that is loathing of each other.

Simon Garner: Fair point mate, but you've got to make an effort with your teammates - you'll win nothing with a poor team spirit. Hey, and you're both Irish, so there's a start. 

Rev Ian Paisley: May I point out in the strongest terms Mr Garner that that man is no teammate of mine.

Simon Garner: Well that's obviously why you've been transferred son - no manager wants an unhappy dressing room. Take a tip from an old pro, the way you're going you'll get a reputation. Then you'll end up like Stan Collymore, wasting your potential. Anyhow, before I read the teamsheets, what are your hopes for the next season?

Gerry Adams: I would very much like to see a united Ireland

Simon Garner: Ireland United eh? That'd give old Fergie and the boys a fright I bet. You'd be up for a bit of that Ian?

Rev Ian Paisley: This is an absolute disgrace, may the wrath of God be bought down on your blasphemous thoughts. There will never be a united Ireland side as long as the body of Unionism still breathes.

Simon Garner: A bit emotional perhaps, but I can see where you're coming from lad. I mean, most English pro's wouldn't want to go in with the Welsh really - I mean, apart from Giggsy there'd be no improvement anyway. Well anyway, thanks for popping in lads, enjoy the game and, er, well here's the teams........

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